I'M URGENTLY IN NEED OF ADVICE
Secrets
Anonymous Oct 18, 04:22 PM

I'M URGENTLY IN NEED OF ADVICE 0

Asalamualaikum. I am honestly confused on what to do hence my message here today. I beg you in the name of Allah please give me your honest opinions. This is a secret i have never shared with any living being until today. over Twelve years ago, 2010 i lost my mother. My dad got remarried 2011 and his marriage failed thereafter. He was in a very dark place so he sent me and my sister to stay with one of my mother's friend for a while. I was 13 at that time. During my stay there, her nephew of twenty something years was also staying there. That wicked human being raped me in that house and I couldn't tell anyone till this day. He has been begging for my forgiveness till this day. I don't think I can find it in my heart to forgive him. The problem now is that I'm about to get married and I don't know if I should tell my to be husband about it or to keep it between me and Allah. What should I do?
post

Replies

(29)

Ismail isa Oct 18, 05:20 PM
Keep it yo yourself alone. Don't tell anybody including your spouse even after 50years of the marriage. what is the benefit. You can forgive the guy as Allah loves those who forgive but dont have anything to do with him for life. Forgiving him will also set your mind free though I know its painful and unforgettable
reply 6
Anonymous #1 Oct 18, 05:29 PM
sister don't u tell ur fiancee no matter what, it's a secret between u ND ur lord ND for him the destroyer s left for u to check within urself if u can forgv ND forget P.S don't tell ur husband.
reply 4
Ramatu Saidu Oct 18, 06:00 PM
dear sister never tell anyone abt dis secret,take it to ur grave.
reply 2
Anonymous Oct 18, 06:30 PM

But what if my husband finds out I'm not a virgin? won't that jeopardize our marriage if i can't give him any explanation?
reply 0
Golden Oct 18, 06:34 PM
this is what we called secret u can’t spew it out…may Allah keep protecting us🤲🏽
reply 1
Anonymous #2 Oct 18, 06:41 PM
Assalamuaikum my advice to you is to tell him, since it's not your fault
reply 0
Jiddah Mohammed Oct 18, 07:01 PM

he may or may not find out...But this one's tricky I think you should tell him...
reply 0
Nasssss9 Oct 18, 07:05 PM
You shouldn't tell him gaskiya..May Allah S.W.A gives you the strength to forget about it, Also if ur husband finds out that u ain't a virgin, there are many ways of loosing virginity, For Example slipping and falling down, riding a horse, u can choose any of the above or much better and tell him, i just hope he is the understanding type, plus it would be better if he didn't notice bcos u didn't do it intentionally And Insha Allah u will have a very happy marriage and i will also advice you to forgive the sinner that caused ur pain in the first place, i think that is the only way u will forget about everything and move on with your life, if u didn't forgive him trust me, u will never forget about it...May Allah S.W.A forgive us all.. May Allah Bless you sister.
reply 1
Nasir Mujahid Oct 18, 07:09 PM

You must not tell your husband, but if he finds out you are not a virgin it is better you tell him the real story, that is if issue arises.
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Nasir Mujahid Oct 18, 07:12 PM

I think if the husbands find out she should not make up any story but tell him the truth, Trust and sincerity are very important in a relationship and even qualities of a person. It will be wrong for her to lie to her husband in that way by telling him she rode a horse or whatever that is a lying but if he does not find out then she shouldn't have to tell him. I am a man and i value trust and sincerity more than anything and it wouldn't be funny if i find my wife lying to me in a serious issue like this.
reply 0
Aliabdullahi Oct 18, 07:18 PM
TBVH, don't tell your to-br husband, secondly, just forgive him just as how you want Allaah to forgive you your own sins which you committed. Allaahu a'alam
reply 0
Muhammad Hunaidarh Gidado Oct 18, 07:46 PM
Am so sorry for the lost Allah ya jikan ta May her soul RIJF my own advice here is u should tell ur husband to be that this what has happened to u in the past.some people here are telling to to keep it to itself what if after the marriage he finds out that u are not a virgin then something huge will come up and he will be like u have betrayed him so u better tell him the truth no matter what the circumstances might be
reply 1
Saadiya idris umar Oct 18, 08:04 PM
Tab wallahi karki sake ki fadi ma wani wannan sirrin kibarshi tsakaninki da Allah mutumin yanxu baa bashi amana zai iya amfani dashi gaba akanki.kimun magana akwai wani taimakon da zan baki zan maki bayanin shi acan.08160672459
reply 0
Anonymous #3 Oct 18, 09:49 PM
Please don’t let anyone know what happened to you
reply 0
Sgabdo Oct 18, 10:24 PM
first I will Advice you to Forgive this Brother tunda Ya Nema Gafara. What If The Forgiveness is what Will take you to jannah... we All Know Aikin mu bazai Kaimu Aljannah bah. sai Rahman Allah ( SWA ).so Try and Forgive him. and Your Husband Don't Tell Him Ki barshi sakanin ki Da Allah Kwai.
reply 0
Nasssss9 Oct 19, 06:34 AM
Im having issues tapping replies but anyways i have my reason why i said she shouldn't tell him the truth, first of all, not any man will be happy to knw that his wife have been raped, and the first question he will ask her is why she didn't tell him in the first place, walh if it were me, i will feel betrayed and i will hardly trust her and it will be a real pain in my life, so if u guys are seriously asking her to tell him the truth if he asked, then she should tell him now otherwise she might not knw how he will feel when she does tell him if he asked after the marriage, i knw it is always bad to lie, but some lies are worth telling, im speaking for myself here, like im trying to tell how i will feel as a guy..So sister i knw this might sound confusing but u have to make a very tough decision bcos ur man might be very nice, loving and caring but u will never knw what he can or can't do, be very careful please.. Thank you
reply 1
Ruqaiya Oct 19, 08:52 AM
My advice here is you should tell your Fiancé… If not your relationship will be building in a lie
reply 0
Zash Oct 19, 10:14 AM
I don’t think you should tell him
reply 0
Mss_xoxo Oct 19, 12:15 PM
dear poster if you forgive him you are not doing it for him you are doing it for yourself it will bring you nothing but peace it’s been years since it happened and now you are about to enter a new phase of your life please don’t tell your husband anything Allah has concealed it don’t open it to anyone Allah ya baku zaman lafiya
reply 0
Anonymous #4 Oct 20, 02:46 AM
My dear.. First find a place in your heart to forgive your nephew and Insha'Allah Allah will be pleased with you too. As for your husband to be, find the courage to tell him right away, after all it's not your fault and it's in the past.. I believe if he loves you he will take it and respect you too. There's no hidden secrets on earth, it will be more disasterous for you if he finds out some day.. Don't undermine the power of the shythan. May Allah make it easy for 🙏🏽
reply 0
Nasir Mujahid Oct 20, 07:58 AM

Her forgiving him is very personal and she must have gone through alot, if i was her i will not forgive him and he shall be punished for what he did. I agree she should not tell her husband unless the issue come up then she shouldn't lie.
reply 1
Anonymous #5 Oct 20, 04:37 PM

Don't tell him what has happened because its something that has happened for a long time, more than 10 years and besides, the life you've live before is bygone, so focus on the future. The sole purpose of marriage is to live in peace and harmony, revealing something like this can lead to misunderstanding, so just keep it to yourself. And about the matter of virginity is he won't ever understand because its over 10yrs that the rape has happened, so if so after that rape you never had a intimacy with anyone, all the reproductive organs in you will go back to its natural virgin state since your encounter is just once and its over 10yrs,so each part of you will contract and no one will notice anything not even you yourself... May Allah make it easy for all of us. Ameen
reply 0
Ibrahim Adam Alfijir Oct 20, 08:02 PM

Is not every who sees the blood during the first night of wedding even if the person is a virgin is just that the appearance of the blood will genuinely let your partner knows you are actually a virgin some don't see it and they are actually virgins educate him on this I will advice you on this try it like a play ask him a question of him not seeing the blood on your first night of wedding what will be his reaction kiji me ze che miki his reaction will assist you in taking your next move weather to tell him or not
reply 0
Zainab d umar Oct 29, 11:12 PM
Slm, I meet dis guy on ig I had crush on him but I prefer making him a frd to know him better, we exchanged numbers, started talking on what’s app and making calls, honestly I like him seriously but am afraid of hrt break,i had a program we’re he was so I got opportunity to c him he visited my hotel room we had sex, I got pregnant weeks after, he asked for abortion and I did, since dem he stop calling oven if I cal he won’t pick, now honestly I love him now
reply 0
Alkotowiy Oct 30, 10:42 AM
There's no need telling him about what happened to you. Don't ever do that. Your people,hausa people won't take that. But other tribes may not mind but certainly not a hausa man. I wish you the best
reply 0

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