Assalamu alaikum. I don't know how to begin ma. Well, I've come across several posts where people talk about HIV/AIDS positive people or they themselves are carriers of the disease and the comments that follow are very unpleasant, not all though but majority. there's this notion that most people have, and the notion is that anyone with the disease got it through indulging in immoral acts. whereas it is not always true. some got it at saloons koh wurin masu yankan farce, some right from birth, some were victims of wickedness, some were infected and they don't even know how or when they got infected. some were transfused with the blood of a carrier. all these mentioned could be intentional or not. I myself am a carrier. we discovered I had it during my junior secondary days kuma none of my family members has it kuma mun fi ashirin a gidan mu. though a lokacin bamu kai yawan haka ba. we didn't know how I got it but then I suspected it was from a barbing saloon but my parents believe it was when I had blood transfusion while I was still in primary school (Wallahu a'lam). Wanda ma yayi min donating jini a lokacin ya zo ya rasu before we discovered I had it. I never want to say or think he was a carrier cos he saved my life when I needed it kuma malamin mu ne a islamiyya kuma daya daga cikin aminan baba na ne a lokacin har Allah ya karbi rayuwar sa and above all kuma bamu da tabbacin haka but Allah knows best. tun a lokacin da Dr. din yayi informing din mu hankalin mahaifiya ta ya tashi ta fara kuka Dr. din yayi ta bata hakuri yana ƙoƙarin kwantar mata da hankali ni kuma ko a jiki na. har Dr. din yake fada ma mama na duba da yadda ko reacting ban yi ba ba lallai ne na san abin ma da ke faruwa a lokacin in jin shi. Ni kuma duk na san ko meye ke wakana, na san abin da aka ce ina da shi but it never distributed me as I believed it was a test from Allah and qaddara ta ce, there's no way I could have escaped it. kuma a haka nayi ta rayuwa na with that in mind and I also believed (still do) that duk ciwon da Allah ya saukar akwai maganin shi kuma zan warke da izinin sa. Bayan nan akayi advicing din mu mu je inda ake ba masu irin ciwon magunguna. After the first set I was given I switched to what people refer to as Islamic medicine su habbatus-sawda, some mixture of honey garlic and other ingredients, some packaged traditional medicine from India and Egypt etc. and alhamdulillah, magungunan suka karbe ni. my viral load reduced from over 40,000 copies/ml to less than 400 or so copies/ml(can't recollect the exact figure) har aka ce mana my system is no longer threatened by the virus it can even fight off the virus on its own without medication. so we became laxed. I stopped taking my medication as at when due har virus din yayi growing resistance to the drug and re-multiplied. I had to change my therapy and also adopted the use of ARV drugs. now I'm still battling with it. A duk tsawon lokacin nan babu wanda ya san ina da shi. i have never in my life say this to any soul until now. a family din mu ma daga iyaye na sai my elder siblings ɗina 3 kuma su ma ba ni na faɗa musu ba. Yanzu ma da nake faɗa a nan it is because there's something bugging me and I want to find a way out. So all these years it never distributed me until now that I intend to get me a spouse I really want to have to choose a spouse from unlimited options but it seems that dream is near impossible. the way people discriminate, the way they see us carriers you'd think that Allah has never created any creature as disgusting as us. this limits my options to carriers only. it's not that I'm wicked or something that I want to spread the virus. hasali ma I've been taking measures to see that no one gets it from me. I have my own clippers, nail cutters, etc which I don't share with anyone. a haka ma wasu kallon marowaci suke yi min ko mai ƙyanƙyamin wasu, basu san ba haka bane 😅. Ciwon nan like any other sickness ana warke wa (I've herad stories kuma In-sha Allah one day it is my story that will be said). Kuma akwai cigaba a fannin kiwon lafiya da har kaga mace mai ciwon tana dauke da juna biyu ba tare da mijin da abin cikin ta sun dauki ciwon ba kuma ta haifa abin ta ta shayar dashi lafiyar sa lau. I have never for once dated koh irin da wasa haka ko irin soyayyar secondary school ɗin nan. I don't even have female friends. just a few acquaintances and those that are family. So now I really need to but I don't know how to go about it. I have seen girls I'm really into, I still have crushes but when I remember my condition, I feel so much discouraged. Like how do I do it? should I let us get to know each other, fall in love then break the news? or after knowing each other then tell her before things get serious? I really don't know which is the better option. I know some might say why not na je inda ake karban magani zan iya samu a wajen. Gaskiyar magana ban taɓa ganin masu ciwon inda nake karban magani ba. except for once da na je na samu wata mata da mijin ta su ma sun zo karban magani. kuma sun kai over 50 years, ita matar ke da shi. It's like the place I go have a timetable they follow to see their patients at different times a for confidentiality or something. Kuma suna da patients din sosai cos ina ganin files din mutane da yawa. and there's no way I could ask for other patients details. And you can't tell who's infected or not. duk da naji wasu suna cewa akwai wasu alamu da idan mutum na da shi toh yana da ciwon but the signs can be found on healthy people too. Damn! I said a lot. Please help a brother. What is the way out? p.s: fal yaqulu khairan au liyasmut. Akwai hisabi.