Perhaps with this I may be able to unburden my heavy heart and have a bit of relief. I do not have the guts to say what I wish to directly to you. I'm too ashamed. Ending it was never my wish. You were one of the best things to ever happen to me my entire life. If I had known it would end this way I would have never approached you. I regret ever meeting you. Not because I find you with any faults or our time together was bitter, but because of the hurt I inflicted on the both of us. Between my Lord and I, it was never my intention ending it. My wish was as you were my first love, so shall you be my last, ending up being my Mrs. But as fate would have it, it seems we were not meant to be. And who are we to fight what is beyond our control. Perhaps we aren't khair for each other on the long run as we thought and The All-Knowing The All-Wise knows best. We planned and He planned but He is The Best of planners. The way we clicked, vibed and understood each other within a very short time, I never for once doubted whether we were soulmates, still don't and never will. Though some people say not all soulmates end up together. I'm beginning to believe so as I've exhausted all in trying to see us back together. But all efforts proved abortive. I am drained. I no longer have any fight in me. For every futile attempt, my heart breaks multiple times over. I am just living the life of joylessness, everything is now in black and white. The sun no longer shines, it is always gloomy. Nothing is ever interesting. Get pissed off in the slightest of provocations. Just roaming around but dead inside as though nothing matters anymore. The energetic, carefree, lively, free of worries me is no longer there. I know you've said not to ask for your forgiveness again, believing I didn't wrong you at some point. But I can't help it. I can't help the guilt of breaking such a beautiful heart, dimming the shine of such a beaming soul full of life and excitement. So please here I am again seeking your forgiveness. I wish to atone for my misdeeds, but I have no way of doing so. I am clueless as to what to do. The only thing I can is to ask for your forgiveness. I don't mind being the villain of this our story. Please do not let my silly actions dull your shine and ruin your happiness. Nothing would make me happier than to see you live your life to the fullest as you've done before I came into your life and later on left it in shambles. Please let go of the hurt. If I had sense any chance to get back together with you nothing would stop me. I'll go to any length to see it happen as long as it's within jurisprudence. But all efforts yielded in negative results. It's on this note that I please urge you to give yourself another chance to life, live freely and happily. Give love another chance. Nothing would make me happier than to see you fall in love and be happy. If not with me then with someone gazillion times better than me. I'm so much desperate to see that happen. Maybe I too then will have little bit of relief knowing that you've moved on and found the happiness I could not afford to give you, the happiness best deserving of an amazing being such as yourself. The little time spent with you will forever be cherished. You've made me want to be a better person without even trying. In fact you've succeeded in making me better than I was before I met you, though still not deserving of a being such as yourself. You've been a great influence in my life and I thank my Lord for that. May Allah reward you with the best of this world and the next. May you forever be the coolness of your parents' eyes. When it's time for you to leave the world, may your soul depart when your Lord is most pleased with you. And may He admit you in the highest ranking of Jannah. It's on this not that I admonish you and I to not despair, for He is in control of all and in His infinite wisdom and mercy all shall be better. Ma'assalam.