I'm an emotionally complex person, I've never had a serious relationship until I finished higher institution. Girls do ask me out right from secondary school down to higher institution but I've noticed once such occurs, i lose interest in them.... I might be crushing on you but once you make the first move, i withdraw.
At some point, i felt i was cursed... Till i met two ladies. I love both of them and I'm not a fan of polygamy but if i was given a choice between them i wouldn't be able to choose. The first one, we connect on okay level, she loves me so much and gives me her time.... This has me drawn to her... I had to leave due to her anger issues, I can't even express myself for fear of getting into a quarrel. The second person, she's everything i could ever wanted, we connect well, we love each other but.... She's always busy as she's a nurse. I met her parents and talks about marriage were on ground.... At first i tried to tolerate her work load, but as time went on i wasn't happy, we would go for weeks without talking on the phone, we were having a conversation one time and she asked me to promise to never ask her to choose between her marriage and her work... Because she wouldn't be able to choose. I had to withdraw... It was very painful because i still love her but i had to do it for our own good. She hates me now but i tell myself it's better than for her to hate me when we are married... I don't want to be that husband who squashes his wife's dream. Ever since then i lost interest, i find dating stressful, whenever i meet any lady and we start to talk, there's this feeling that comes to my mind that says this lady doesn't love you she's just desperate to get married. And i believe it to be true. Most of the ladies i meet don't care if I'm a good person or not. Once we talk and they know I'm single and working. The next conversation is come and meet my father. There's this lady i met, we've been talking for 3 days only and the next question i received was when are you coming to greet my parents. I was shocked. You don't know me, what if I'm a woman beater? Etc...
Sometimes... I berate myself for pushing all these people away, I'd like to think maybe I'm being too picky or maybe my intentions are right?
What are your frank assessment of me?
There is nothing wrong with you. Is it good to have a teste on the type woman you want to live with in the future.
I dont blame you living nurse you did the right thing, the pain of living her is temporary.
is good to feel the pain than regret in the future time.
nowadays most woman are eger to get marry as soon guy approach them and they notice he has a job doing the next thing they will start talking about marriage.
all I can say try to give other people chance the right partner will come
Meeting her parent is not marrying her... I personally think there is nothing wrong with that, she might be just trying to gauge how serious you are,nd running away just proves that.....If it's not okay by you, you can simply say "I'd like to know you more before meeting your parent" in other words, build understanding.
But from your writing it seems you are not emotionally available to have the patience to build one because of your past experiences. You need to understand that you have to give love chance, before it can happen....it's just like a plant, it takes a lot of patience, don't be overwhelmed by the array of options you think you have.....get a woman that has most or all of the MAJOR qualities you want in a woman, start your journey of getting to know her and close out ll other options just to focus on her ado not prolong the talking stage....then let's see how it will go
Meeting her parent is not marrying her... I personally think there is nothing wrong with that, she might be just trying to gauge how serious you are,nd running away just proves that.....If it's not okay by you, you can simply say "I'd like to know you more before meeting your parent" in other words, build understanding. But from your writing it seems you are not emotionally available to have the patience to build one because of your past experiences. You need to understand that you have to give love chance, before it can happen....it's just like a plant, it takes a lot of patience, don't be overwhelmed by the array of options you think you have.....get a woman that has most or all of the MAJOR qualities you want in a woman, start your journey of getting to know her and close out all other options just to focus on her alone, do not prolong the talking stage....then let's see how it will go
Okay
Sincerely speaking you’re right about dating being stressful but the third lady asking you to meet her parents is also right. As a lady I see no reason to engage in a relationship that won’t last long and where there’s no commitment. We spend months or even years being emotionally attached and available, investing energy and time, and mind you, we ladies easily create hopes in a relationship all for that to find that the man is not serious ? Haba ai gwara tun farko a fara rigakafi
meeting her parents or treating them doesn't mean she is desperate maybe is the rule of their house even if you are not marrying her ask her parents permission before talking to her that Is what Islam say and if it doesn't work no one will blame you I think don't worry and continue praying you'll meet the right person inshallah
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