meddling parents with their children relationships
Advice
Anonymous Aug 11, 02:05 PM

meddling parents with their children relationships 2

good day house. what is your opinion on parents imposing their choices of spouse on their children! don't get me wrong am all about respecting parents but I believe when it comes to life partner everyone should be allowed to choose the partners of their choice.i guess am lucky, I came of a family that though they will have opinion and advise but at the end, they will live you to choose what you want and what makes u happy, because what's most important is for them to be sure that their children are happy. I have a friend who was once married before, and the partner is no more unfortunately they didn't have children after few years he met someone fell in love but the person have children, he doesn't have problem with that, because they are happy, the mother is against the marriage instead she wanted her child to marry a lady from a wealthy family whom her child have no interest. the mother is doing everything she could to force him to this marriage. the guy being an obedient child is doing everything possible to fulfill the wishes of his mother even though doing that is killing him inside, he have no one to complain to about his situation, he was sick hospitalized and unhappy. he is using substances to suppress his feelings because he is afraid to tell his mother his feelings . is this mother helping her son or ruining his life? I think she have ruined her relationship with her son, parents are supposed to be a child one stop complain receiving problem solving point, not complications Creation. ur opinions please thank u
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Replies

(10)

Tijjani Muhammad Aug 12, 06:55 AM
gaskiya isn't good to go against your parents wishes as far isn't against Islam. there's Ahadith saying Obedience Towards One’s Parents قَالَ رَسُولُ اللٌّهِ (ص): مَنْ أَصبَحَ مُطِيعاً لِلٌّهِ فِي الْواَلِدَينِ أَصبَحَ لَهُ بَابَانِ مَفْتُوحَانِ مِنَ الْجَنَّةِ وَ إِنْ كَانَ وَاحِداً فَوَاحِداً. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) said: “One, who follows the orders of Allah with regards to obeying parents, shall have two doors of Paradise opened up for him. And if there happens to be only one parent, one door of Paradise shall open up for him.” Kanzul `Ummal, Volume 16, Page 67 and if you go against them and make them sad gaskiya it will effect your lifestyle. especially if they didn't forgive you. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) said: “One who pleases his parents has verily pleased Allah, and one who has angered his parents has verily angered Allah.”
reply 1
Anonymous Aug 12, 08:41 AM

the problem is not that he want to go against his mother's wish but how can he made her understand he is not happy with the girl she chose for him, he doesn't love her and the mother only like her because of the goodies she and her parents have. while the lady he likes is a wife material 💯 except for the previous marriage and children she have, which is a strong Sunna . the most beloved wife the wife that our beloved prophet Muhammad SAW, could not compare with any of his wives was older. he would have love his mother to at least ask him to pray over it, do istihara or something like that, Alhamdulillah is is an obidient fella, that's y he cut ties with the lady he so much love to obey his mother, but in doing that he is going Tru so much pain, so does the lady he abandoned without any explanation, he is sick she is sick non of them is happy and non of them want to disobey their parents. marriage without love is hell to begin with. what is the best way to make the mother understand without offending her
reply 0
AnDex_Blaq Aug 12, 12:02 PM
The basic principle is that one of the conditions of marriage is the consent of both parties, because of the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) which says that the Prophet said: “A virgin cannot be married until her consent has been sought and a previously-married woman cannot be married until she has been consulted.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what is her consent?” He said, “If she remains silent.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5136; Muslim, 1419) Consent is essential in the case of the husband, and also in the case of the wife. The parents have no right to force their son or their daughter to marry someone they do not want. Shaykh Dr. Khaalid al-Mushayqih A child is not considered to be disobedient or sinful if he does not obey his parents in this regard. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: The parents do not have the right to force their child to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses he is not being disobedient towards them. Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, 344.
reply 1
Anonymous Aug 12, 12:50 PM

my point exactly, Islam does not allow forceful marriages, sleeping and waking up with the same person every day, talkless of someone u do not love, is unimaginable. how do u expect someone to be fair to a partner they do not love. are we not subscribing hellfire to your children by forcing partners on them,? being patient with a partner u love is easier, with love we can tolerate ourselves without Allah ya kiyaye kawai zaa ce...
reply 0
Anonymous Aug 12, 05:33 PM

my prayers are with them
reply 0
Musa Abdullahi Aug 14, 11:27 AM
Even though he can refuse to marry the girl, he has to do it diplomatically, but he shouldn't directly say he won't marry her. He may choose to use someone close to his mom that can politely tell her, preferably someone the mom can't deny his/her request.
reply 0
Anonymous Aug 14, 12:00 PM

my point exactly, what are the ways someone can tackle these issues of arrange marriages. marriage in the north are failing, some home are unhappy alot of problem from all angles. a forced partner is most likely not going to be work even if it works it may be the beginning of a lifetime of an unhappy home. our parents needs to be enlightened what is not prohibited in your religion should not be frawned at! money, status or divorcee or widower should not be a taboo if he/she are decent well mannered and are happy with their choices parents own is to pray, if the tables are to be turned how will they feel! their daughter, or sister being rejected because they have been divorced, widowed or have children!
reply 2

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