I want to say something regarding some post da na ga wani guy yayi about being afraid to fall in love again, after some encounter with a girl. I want to tell a story about myself, I'm actually the villain of the story. Some years ago I met with a person, my course mate and reading mate at same time. We started the journey as friends, he was playing the role of a brother to me, trying to always protect me here and there. At the very start I noticed something about it, it wasn't just a friendship but love. Yana sona without him even noticing, all our class members and the whole univers noticed that too except him, I tried all means to stopped that from happening but to no avail, it was too late then. It took him almost a decade to propose to me, and I said no coz I'm this type of complicated person with a hollow heart. People are always confused about me, coz I can be a whole person now and a broken one later, I can be a happy girl now and a sad girl later. So most of them classify me as a weird person, for all I know is I'm very emotional, I mostly write out of emotions, Including this too. That rejection affected his Academia. Despite that, he didn't gave up on me, and we continued as we used to be. One of the Memories I cherished was walking back to the hostel under the moon, pointing at some bright star to him as mine, with the warm scent from his jacket on me. He didn't mind having all the cold to himself so as far zai fahimci ina jin sanyi sai dai naga ya miqa min jacket dinshi duk da I always wore my hijjab. One thing is for sure, he is very Caring, Honest, Gentle, Handsome, Smart, Intelligent, Religious, Kind and a hustler. The type I've always pray and crave to have. To be sincere, na dade banga Mutum mai zuciyar nema kamar shi ba, he took care of his Mom very well that some times makes me envy him, coz I always wish to have a mother. And of my dreams was becoming his Mama's little princess, coz that woman loved me Unconditionally tun kafin ma ya fada mata yana so na. For that yayi winning and for the second time I accepted his proposal. Mind you, he wasn't following me up and down to accept him, rather he gave me some space that I deserved to figure it out ko ina son shi ko bana son shi. And we started as Flower girl and Star, he is this kind of a person that makes a girl feel special, he comments on things as little as my smile, he puts some note stickers at the back of my books, saying all that will put a smile on my face, he specially like Lalle and whenever I did it, he goes on without the intention to stop soon. On weekends ko time din da stress din lectures ba yawa we go for walks and sit out to talk. My favorite thing is walking under the courtesy of the stars, so ya san abinda nake so, we can walk silently without saying a word, just appreciating the nature. By Allah, he is the most charismatic and gentle person i have ever met, and i love that particularly about him. We had so many things in common, a simple life. Of course he didn't love me because I'm cute, rich or funny, he Loves me because he found some reasons to do so. Although I'm at times simple but I can be so dramatic at times. Problems started to arise a week after we had an agreement that his uncles will come for introduction, then I started misbehaving, rejecting\not picking his calls, no replies to his messages and all. Although it was my normal habit when ever someone proposed or I'm in relationship, but I never expected that to occur with him too, coz I undoubtedly love him. There was a night I couldn't forget, the night of parting ways I called it, that night he called and luckily for him and unluckily for me I picked. He's a straight forward person, and he goes like this "be honest and tell me the truth, do you truly want to be with me or kina saka ni a cikin jerin 'yan Allah ka zaba min mafi alkhairi ne"? I couldn't really recall as to whether I was in my right senses then, but I could remember myself uttering "yes, you're among" and what he said was curt and simple "I wish you all the best, ina fatan Allah ya hada mu da alkhairi". Without letting me continue, he hang up the call, so I decided to heed to WhatsApp for some explanations. There I goes starting with "I have some confession to make, this my very nick name that you like so much is attached to someone's name, the person I supposedly marry some times back. And I dunno why at some point in time I still can't get over him despite him being married. More so, you knew the case of that person I told you about that my brothers didn't consider till date and that none of em ever mentioned marriage to me. I'm afraid to hurt you later, so is better I set you free now. I'm just confused as to whether I really love you or I was using you for my insecurities. I'm so sorry, I don't know where to start... The discussion continues". He reply to me with some words I never wished he used, coz only if he had accepted me then I knew I would eventually love him beyond comprehension. I'm the type that love without limit, once I love, it will be entirely including my soul. So he wrote " I can't be with someone whose heart is with someone else, someone who's obsessed with a married man" he wrote some other things, and mentioned right there that he will get rid of everything that belong to me or consist of me, all that will make him remember me. I didn't blame him of course, but one thing I believed then, that no body understands me and no body will ever does, and I was immensely hurt to not be understood by him. So I set him free, free from my shackles. Coz he deserve some one better, some one kind. Almost everyone blame me for everything, my family does, some friends says I have high taste, people say things, well dama no matter how good kake people must talk balle kuma akan unkind person like me, is a most. Yes, I'm at fault and accept the fact that bana kyautawa, the people I rejected are uncountable. I mostly prefer being alone, some times kuma naji ni lonely, I myself couldn't really define myself dama sanin Bawa sai Mahaliccin sa. But at some point, I do have some family issues, and spiritual issues also with some insecurities, although banaso na daura laifin akan cewa it was due to any of the things above. So it is just me, and my hollow heart. The guy I mentioned from above whom I claimed to have loved back then and bear a nick name that has his name from sec. school till eternity is my cousin, there was a time a was stupid enough to fall in love just because an ce za'a hada mu aure. Then I felt he was Miskilin mutum, and getting to know him says the opposite, and my tender heart got carried away. Unfortunately, I don't really knew what happen then aka fasa maganar, duk da dama chan ba wai maganar ta zauna bane. So it was one sided love, he's not aware I was I love with him. Maganar gaskiaya naso shi a bayyane da duk Wanda ya zauna Dani sai yafahim ci haka, But Alhamdulillah Allah ya yaye min. And I'm happy for him shi da family dinshi, I hope to get mine too some day. The other one I mentioned that my brothers didn't approved of was some guy that proposed and really wanted to marry me then. Although I didn't reciprocate his love, I respect him, a very religious and kind person he was, he truly loved me duk da dai masanin gaibu sai Allah, but I trusted him and wanted to try hard to put him in my heart. People do tell me a lot that I'm the one making it hard on myself, that I'm the one refusing to open my heart, I didn't totally agree with what they say but I wanted to try their theory. And so I told my family about him, it is almost 4yrs now and nobody among my brothers ever mentioned to me about why they rejected him. They actually went there one day and checked about him, it is actually funny to me how can people go find about some one in just a day. Later on my aunt told me that her husband mentioned to her he was a fraud, that he lied about his background and education. I was so mad at the guy at the moment but daga baya anyi min bincike kuma ba haka abin yake ba, and basu information din wani ne da suke da name daya, da sunan gidan ma kusan daya. Haka yayi ta jira na for almost two years kafin a gidan su aka matsa mishi akan dole yayi aure. Abinda dai na fahimta shine they don't really want me get married at the time, coz ni tunda nake dasu no one among them ever mentioned marriage to me, or ever asked me if I have someone I'm interested in, all sort of talks like that babu shi a rayuwata. I don't go kofar gida ko a cikin gida da sunan hira, ko azo wajena, noph ko da wasa ni ba'a taba tambayata ba ma ko kinada saurayi. And that have become part of me, maybe ma shiyasa heart dina yazama hollow. I'm not blaming my brothers, that is the least i can ever do coz they play two roles in my life, being brothers and parents to me, they tried on me, took care of me and help me become what I'm today. And I know they want the best for me, kuma komai lokaci ne, once it is time I either die without being married or die as a married person. What made me send my Star away was those reasons above, although I was somehow selfish then, I could have let it be and see what will happen, I could have not cared much about the future. I some times ask myself, was I really afraid to hurt him or to hurt myself? Nevertheless, the deed has been done. I believe no any person will have something that doesn't belong to him. We weren't destined to be together. And I honestly feel guilty not for most of em but specially for him, coz I let him involved the elders. Here I'm saying sorry, I know it won't change the damage I have done to you, But I pray you find the happiness you deserve, find someone to help you amend your broken soul, find someone better. I wasn't anything near good, so I wish you find someone near to perfection. To the guys whose hearts we broke, I apologize in behalf of the rest, May Allah heel you and provide you with something better. Just know that there a lot of kind girls out there, having encounter with girls like us doesn't define the rest. Don't shut yourselves from love, as Rumi said "Love is the water of life, Without the sweet life of love living is a burden". And to those girls facing some physically, emotional, spiritual and whatever kind of challenges, May Allah gives you peace of mind and Solve all your problems. I'm not in a position to advice anyone, despite that I will still say do please pray and consult some of your elders before taking decision. Most at times bama Neman shawara kafin mu aikata wani abu, sai kuma ya faru muzo muna cizon yatsa.