{Lessons learnt from the first time I fell in love} I was 18,fresh out of secondary school with high expectations and hopes for my future . I started a teaching job so that I can have something to do while waiting for admission into higher institution. All my life ,I've never ever fallen in love ,I get scared by the thought of it,at that age I couldn't look at a girl eye to eye and have a normal conversation,not even my female classmates ,I was that shy . There was this certain girl, a few streets away from my house, we don't talk or share anything in common ,they normally pass our house when going to Islamic School in the evening. For the sake of privacy I'll refer to her as Aisha . The first time I met Aisha was when I was in Ss2, my school and hers had a football match . My mind was on the action going on in the field when I heard someone tapped me from my back . A girl came behind me and said someone wants to talk to me,she pointed at a small clique of girls sitting ,In their midst was Aisha. My mind started beating, I tried to pay attention on the football match but my focus was clouded . I left the field and went back to class , berating myself for not having the guts to accept her invitation. Two years later, I found myself teaching in the same school she is attending. Luckily for me I was given primary class to teach while she is in secondary. For the first week I couldn't see her in the school, I subtly asked my younger brother who's also attending the Same school if she's still attending the school. He said yes that it's because the session just started that's why . The next week I was outside observing the assembly when Aisha walked in and casually joined the queue . Everything was going okay till our eyes met,then the second time ,then the third . I looked away and walked back to the staff room . I tried to avoid her by all means. Some days later ,the school director called me into his office ,he asked if I can teach Islamic Religious Studies to the secondary as their Former teacher had left and I'm the only Muslim teacher in the school. I gladly accepted. Walking back to class ,reality of the situation dawned on me ..... I'll have to face Aisha , and worst teach her .... After being assigned to teach the secondary section Islamic Religious Studies,I made a resolve within myself to keep whatever hidden feelings I had for Aisha at bay . I'm her teacher now ,I need to be professional as possible. I can't allow some stupīd feeling ruin my job for me. The first time I walked into her class to teach I managed to keep a straight face and I didn't even look at her direction . Soon we began interacting , just greeting and things like that . Everything was going smoothly till the day of vacation,I sat with a fellow female teacher discussing ,she came by and collected the teacher's number,she's good friends with the teacher . I tried my best to look casual and not bothered by her presence . Later that day ,at night around 7, I was watching movies at home when a boy came into our house and said my friend is calling me outside . I was wondering which of my friends would that be ,stepping outside ..... I saw Aisha ,for the first few seconds I lost my train of thought and almost stammered . What are you doing here ,what if someone sees us ? Different questions floated into my head at the same time but I couldn't find the voice to say it out. We greeted and she said she just wanted to have my number . I gave it to her and went back home wondering what the hell is happening. The next night I received a call from a strange number , I picked it and heard her voice,we talked,I asked her about school, we were just beating about the bush for Five minutes until she told me ,she wanted to collect my number in school but she didn't want to attract anyone's attention . We kept on talking till she hit the nail in the coffin,she told me she likes me ,she doesn't want my reply now ,that I should think about it . My heart started beating, relationship or my work ? The next day I had already made up my mind .I picked up the phone ready to tell her what's on my mind before I chickened out . The next day I called her,as much as it hurts me I had to deliver the bad news, I couldn't risk my Good name and reputation just because of love . Why didn't this happen earlier before I started teaching in her school? I cursed my luck, at the moment I had already resigned my heart that I might never fall in love . I explained to her in full why we can't have a relationship,it's not about her it's about me .Inwardly I felt really bad for rejecting her but I had to do it . As time went by ,the day for school resumption drew close ,I don't look forward to meeting Aisha at all . The next term school resumed ,as usual she didn't resume until after a week . The day she resumed ,I was outside observing the assembly,I'll never forget what she wore ,she had on a new uniform, a sparkly wrist watch to match the colors of ⁹⁹ ,any common sense of reasoning I had drifted away . It was only a matter of time before I called her and confessed my thoughts. Play play,the relationship started .... We agreed to pretend to act as if we don't know each other in school and the relationship will purely be after school. We would meet in the evening when I'll accompany her to islamiya or at night when her parents sent her ,she'll send my friend to call me so that I'll escort her . We would talk later at night till dawn. Damn I was truly in love . The fact the relationship was a secret one made it even better and exciting . Well atleast to myself ,she wanted us to make it public but I refused,I was too scared . I nearly had heart attack when she sent fruits to my mom one day . My mom was a firm believer of no relationship until after higher institution. The ove grew as time went by , we started meeting in school,during her free period she would come to my class . People started suspecting but at that moment ,I was past the point of caring . Everything was perfect until when I received the good news,I got admission. I was thrilled,everyone around me was thrilled... Well except for her ,she said she knows she'll lose me once I leave for school. I tried my best to assure her that no one is removing her from my heart .But still it didn't improve her sour mood . Little did I know that she has already removed me from her heart at that moment , As the day that I'll be leaving for school grew closer ,the communication grew shorter . I tried to meet her weeks before I depart but she gave me one excuse or the other . I left for school, I tried calling her number but it switched off . It remained like that for a month until one fateful day I was in my hostel when her call came in ,I missed her voice . We spoke ,she told me her phone got spoiled . She asked about my school and other things . When we ended the call I felt something I've never felt with her before . This time her voice was cold . I never gave up,I thought it's just distance ,once I come back home for the holidays everything will be alright. The semester ended,I was so eager to go home and meet my loved ones . When I came back ,I tried to reach out to her but no response,text message no response, I even sent a letter ,no response. I couldn't get what was wrong We never had a fight . Why isn't she responding ? I quickly called the school director and told him I'd like to work part time before school resumed . He accepted .I resumed teaching with the sole intention of meeting Aisha and settling things . When I finally met her in school,her eyes was cold ,she's not looking at me with the love that used to sparkle in her eyes . I started feeling distraught. To make Matters worse , I noticed she's now close to a fellow colleague of mine,I'm suspecting something between them . Whenever she would go to his class to do something my heart will squeeze with jealousy but I cant do anything,we are not talking again like before . Still I held hope that before I leave she'll come back to her senses . Little did I know that it is I who needs to be put back in my senses . One afternoon,there was no electricity. I went to my colleague's room (who's now close to Aisha ) to charge my phone since their transformer has light and his house is somehow close to mine . I knocked at his room and entered I noticed he's with a female but I didn't bother to look at her face . I just wanted to plug my phone and give them privacy . Once I stood up to leave a voice called my name ,I looked down for the first time at my colleagues companion and noticed it is Aisha ,my Aisha ,in a guys room ,alone ,not just a guy ,my friend ,my colleague. I was heart broken . I went back home leaving my phone there. My heart was gone . I knew things were bad between me and her but I didn't expect that . I couldn't get over the heart break , when going to bed I'll look at her picture before sleeping,I'll perceive the scent of the flower she gave me. When I'm home I'll sometimes pass their house to see if I'll meet her ,who knows maybe she'll apologize. I was heartbroken but I was ready to take her back if she'll apologize. I loved her that much . I nurtured a broken heart for three good years , to the point it even affected my studies. Ever since then I lost my trust in women completely.