Am I asking for too much?
Relationship
Khalleed Mar 19, 07:20 PM

Am I asking for too much? 0

Slm barkan mu da shan ruwa, I have this girlfriend and there are things she does that doesn't sit well with me. Though it might be minor to some but it messes with my mental health. I work from 10 - 5pm, then I'll get home by 6 or 7 if there's traffic. Im working in a data analytic firm, my work demands topnotch focus..... So I'm not opportune to chat most times during the day except at night when im back home. During my free time I'll send random hellos check up on her and disappear. She hates it, she wants my full attention at work and it's not possible. Since checking up on her and disappearing is causing issues, I decided to stop, I only message when I'm home. This got her mad too. Nevertheless I decided to just try and create more time for her while at work for peace to reign.There are times I'll be busy, stressed, and I might not be able to chat for most of the day, when I get back home, I want her to ask me what happened at work that kept me away from her, what stressed me, I should gist her about my busy day at work... You know stuffs like that, that will calm me after dealing with a days stress. But no, she'll start giving attitude, sometimes it ends in quarrel and honestly I'm sick of it. When I'm back home, anything 9pm she'll say she's feeling sleepy. And I don't complain. I feel I've been away for the whole day so why should I complain if she decides to sleep at night? Also, you know how men are? We don't like to share our problems with people, whenever something is disturbing me and I'm distant,rather than checking and asking why I am like this. She'll turn it into quarrel making things worse for me. My peace of mind is at stake here. I'm planning on introducing our parents to one another after Eid but I don't know. I'm just here second guessing things. She loves me but I don't find peace with her.....
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Replies

(24)

Rabiat Muhammad Mar 19, 08:07 PM
hmmmmm you know we women are dramatic we want attention all the time,the only thing I'll say is create time and talk to her,coz no matter what someone else's say doesn't count coz you both are in it together....explain to her and make her understand and she should also try and do same...I pray it work out fine for you 🙏
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Anonymous #1 Mar 19, 08:58 PM
If you perhaps decide you don't want her, can I have her number please? You are taking her love, care and attention for granted, you feel it'sbrcause she's less busy, that's why she has time for you, not true, she just creates time to check up on you and is hurt when you don't reciprocate nd she feels like you have forgotten about her. Please appreciate and respect her, make her feel that way and be man enough to be able to manage and comfort the woman that loves you. She's a gem and you are a lucky man to have her. Congratulations
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Nana Fatima ALIYU Mar 19, 09:27 PM
sorry for distract your scrolling as the Ramadan days are running may we see lailatul kadir may Allah SWA answer our prayers forgive and have mercy on our late ones and give us strength, health and wealth to fight any challenges that life will bring us may jannatul firdausi be ou final destination.
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Muhammad Musa Muhammad Mar 19, 09:44 PM
kushhhhh is better some relationship bro love is stupid
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Khalleed Mar 19, 09:55 PM

Everything has its time . It seems you are single and the prospect of falling in love is shacking your brain. You'll learn soon enough hopefully
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Rabiat Muhammad Mar 19, 10:04 PM

u're welcome
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Anonymous #2 Mar 19, 10:24 PM

as you ask for her contact, I also want the guy's contact. I understand how she feels as a lady, but the man also needs some peace... he said he creates time to speak or chat her up within his busy schedules, I will appreciate him here, he's making efforts. I feel what they need is communication, poster have you told her what you wrote here? or did you just leave her to figure it out that you create time for her. I believe communication is key in every relationship. communicate with me in a healthy way and I will reason with you and be the peace you want in your life.
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Teema1 Mar 20, 03:19 AM
If only I could drop off a voice note 🙂‍↔️
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Nana Fatima ALIYU Mar 20, 04:59 AM

he no get work to do maybe but uzuri aii gsky tohhh inkuma kayi zaman banza tace yanadamunta bashida abinyi Allah ya shiryemu
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Anonymous #3 Mar 20, 09:59 AM
Well, from what i can see she is someone that lacks consideration and believes a man should succumb and steer her way regardless, based on this i don't think its worth it because you will still have problems in the future, its obvious that your world views are very different. I will advise you ignore her for 1 week and see how she reacts first. If i was you, i will rather find someone reasonable and enlightened enough to be compatible with me. but still do the experiment and see. All the best
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Khalleed Mar 20, 10:45 PM

I've had conversations with her with regards to that but it always ends up as me choosing my work over her. I've talked extensively with her about this and she said she'll try to change. I do realize I'll have to put extra efforts too. Thanks for the advice
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Khalleed Mar 20, 10:45 PM

Lol why
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Khalleed Mar 20, 10:53 PM

I'm not normally like this, when I got promoted I felt okay now my work load reduces thank God. Although the load reduces but the decision other people make rest on my shoulders. This is like you graduating from being a driver to instructing 15-20 number of people on where and how to drive at the same time. My work demands extreme focus, I deal with sensitive data, any slight error can be damning. Imagine have to deal with analytical data of 10s of people where there are no margin for error. If I want I can just sit on my chair for the whole day and allow them to do whatever they like but that isn't me. I feel a trust is placed on me and I should do it to the best of my ability. It'll be highly unprofessional of me to just sit there pressing my phone when I should be monitoring data flow. When I come back home, I always make myself available, I don't sleep until she sleeps. Relationship and marriage are complex. But on the positive side we've talked about it and Insha Allah we will understand each other better in the future
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Anonymous #1 Mar 27, 06:41 PM

Lol......many people read your plain text but I read in between the line, I understood all they were saying and looked beyond that...It's sad I have to explain myself.....I was just highlighting how easily someone else would have possibly seen and appreciate those as good things about her.....so it's actually all about perspective and communication. In your narration you painted yourself entirely positively and painted the innocent lady badly, your writeup is all about you, and how you feel or how she made you feel which is not a balanced and fair writingI am into core IT support, a supervisor and I know what you are talking about I'm also not new to love....Please make your woman feel appreciated, loved and cared for, reciprocate her love, understand her and stop coming online, crying and seeking validations for your shortfalls. There's a saying that "A wise man can bring out the best in the worst of women, while a foolish man can bring out the worst in the best of women."
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Anonymous #5 Apr 21, 05:08 PM
Randomly came across this. I have a personal experience about this with the guy I was dating, and I won’t lie I felt the way she did, and maybe he did the same as you. Long story short we’re not together anymore, yet we still love each other. I’ll say this as though I am speaking to him. Even though I understood why he was absent, and that my annoyance was irrational to an extent, I missed him everyday and I felt he made me miss him, like he caused it by being at work, so I would get pissed (irrational, I know). There was a gap from his absence I felt every single day. I felt alone. What I wanted or rather expected from him was to fill that gap with something else. Since you are falling short in the aspect of being present, make up for it in other aspects of the relationship. Gift her more, order and deliver random gifts to her during the day from time to time that lets her know you’re thinking of her. Text her how much you miss her and let her know (even if it’s not true) how much you dislike that this your work is keeping you away from her i.e I can’t wait to get married to you so I come home to you at the end of this stressful day. When you get to call her, be present, I know, you’re tired, but she didn’t cause you to be absent did she? Give her all your time and attention. It is not a man thing to not complain or share issues, you have a communication deficit you need to work on first, then also ask her jokingly “Ko tambaya how my day was, haka akeyi baby? I will tell you anyway” and then ask how hers went. Take it easy on her, as in my case it got even worse at some times during my monthly cycle (ovulation) when I become like a cat, and then I become even extra sensitive. Assure her that she can call you at anytime of the day if there was anything, and then you make sure you keep your work by being available to her. As people that are husbands already, you become your wife’s lifeline and IT HAS TO ON AND AVAILABLE ALWAYS. Best to start practicing now. Be patient, and also plead with her from time to time to understand your situation, don’t wait till she is upset before you apologize. Reassure her. Note that Reassurance expires o, it’s like a subscription you have to renew occasionally before the old one expires. She might also not always mean it when she says she’s going to sleep, just ask her to stay back a bit, it will make her happy to know you still want to speak with her. Also Indirectly or even directly encourage her to get hobbies. Get busy time during the day. All the best.
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