My marriage is just months, and I am pregnant
I am Yoruba by tribe so is my husband
When we we're courting I got to know he has a very big extended family where is mom is the 3rd wife... I came from a family where it is only my mum and dad and we were brought up with lots of Islamic knowledge and ways.... Few months to the wedding I told him I am not interested because I am afraid of his family, I don't think I can deal with the stress of a big Yoruba family in which he is the only Sunni among them ...... He begged me not to worry and even said we won't be living in the same state as they are so as to avoid the drama, he gave me lots of assurance
But it is not it anymore
I love my husband and he loves me
But with the family trouble I feel I can't stay in this marriage
I got lots of scenarios and I noticed my husband doesn't have a say in the family, even though he talks about what he wants or not he is always not answered
1. He said he doesn't want any singing and dancing during the wedding in their own house.... His mum said that he is the first born and she have never had a wedding they had the singing and dancing, he had to pack his friends to another place
2. He said he doesn't want the Yoruba ritual of performing ablution when they bring the wife home, I was told to do it and I had no choice...
And this moments I knew what I entered
My MIL calls my husband and says there is one wedding or that wedding I am suppose to go and he tells me..... I had to stop it by telling them I am working , in the space of 8 months I only went for 1 wedding ..
When I got pregnant my husband told his mum
She was happy
Early Ramadan I was calling all my in-laws to say Barka for Ramadan shocking for me everyone is asking me how I was feeling and how am I faring ( I am shocked and sad ni dai in my house we don't say anything about pregnancy until when people see it, just like what the prophet said) I wanted to talk to him about it, but it will be as if I am attacking his mum, since it is his mum that is telling them, I asked someone that is also in an extended family she. Said that is how it is done.
My siblings came to stay for the holiday, he told his mum, his aunt called me when school resumed that when are my siblings leaving .. I was shocked cuz must you tell them everything
The worst of all is that
He told me I am going to give birth in my MIL house
that is not my problem, but the problem is they do ritual again, a woman that just gave birth is not allowed to eat salt, sugar or maggi until after 7 days
WTF
I asked him, he said I will talk to my mum about that
But it just for talking sake
I will just have to through this trauma too
Sorry for the long post
But this is it
I am not use to this life style
I am used to the lifestyle of me my family and few people I feel I knew
I can't talk to my husband because it will be as if I am attacking his family
So I thinking after delivering my baby
I am walking out of this marriage
But I don't know if it worth it
Please advice me ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
I didn't even tell my husband my exact pregnancy month because he said I will have to go to my MIL place on my 8th Month
I am open to counselling and therapy if someone feels I am over reacting
But were your parents aware of what was going on?
let ur parents know about all did first, tell dem everything, don't hide a thing frm dem
My mum doesn't want me out of the marriage
I told her
I lost my dad, I miss him
But she keeps telling me to be patient
Kuma gaskiya
It is really affecting me already
Har my doctor says I might have Post oartum depression if I am not careful
I feel you should just try n get use to the fact about your husband family being like that since your husband has really not done anything to warrant divorce just be patient , overlook n get use to the extended family in order for things to be easy for you and please take care of yourself remember you pregnant you av to be strong for yourself and baby
discuss it with your husband, tell him how you are feeling but don't tell him you want to end the marriage, Islam does not encourage ending marriages unless it's a very valid reason. Talk to him and tell him how much it's affecting you, deliberate on it together.
well to me I don’t think leaving the marriage is the best thing to do
he is your husband no matter what sit him down and talk to him, tell him explain to him how u feel about the whole thing he is doing,the highest thing he would do is to get angry after sometime he will think things through because he loves you,
some families are like that not just families some mothers are like that they are very clingy towards thr first son
your husband might not even know he is unintentionally making you unhappy,conversation with your partner is very important
and I feel it’s bcuz u are newly wed that’s y thr are in your business
if you not comfortable with people being in your business don’t let them be
after all it is u that’s inside the marriage
when you talk to your husband about all this that’s bothering you he would know how to control his family
Inkika kuskura Kika kashe auren ki, wallahi in yi rashi sa Dan jarida Zaki aura
English version
If you mistakenly kill your marriage, if you do lack of luck you will marry journalist
But on a serious note... I didn't see any reasonable excuse tangible enough to seeking divorce here. I know they're overstepping their boundaries but bai kai ace za a rabuwar aure ba. You just are being too sensitive
just pray he gets his own place and talk with him about your privacy. they don't have to know everything immediately
No one understands you here, take advice from people who understands your ethnic leanings, ask Yoruba people instead, there is too much disparity among ethnic groups for you to bring it here
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