At around April 2021, I met with a person on Twitter. I always admire him, his ways, the styles, intelligence, smartness and all. And so I decided to slide into his DM after about two months of following each other's handle, and luckily enough we became friends. I could vividly recall the night he came to my school just so we can see each other, it was the first time I allowed a stranger visit me. I was so nervous and uncomfortable around him, but he was all nice and gentle and before I know it muka saba. There was a day I asked him why and how are we friends despite us having different personalities, his reply was "I'm a bit choosy and have small circle of friends, but you have captured my attention in some way" that statement sticks to my brain just like how a metal sticks magnet. Ever since then I fall for him, though it was not my wish wallahi, but with everything about him I fall more deeply and y'all know some desires are attached to every heart. The little attention he gave me with some calls Ya sanya na Fara loosing concentration a school, all my day dreams was just to talk to him. I was writing exams Amma naqosa na gama kawai sabida yace zaizo after I'm done with it. That year Nasan Allah yaji tausayina ne kawai yasa nayi passing results Dina coz i didn't focus at all and early that year I lost my second mother, gashi na fada Soyayya Things weren't easy then to be honest. That particular night after my exams yazo waje na and we had a walk, something I always wished for, kamar kada ya tafi. Don't get me wrong idan nace yanda yake somehow miskili da Jan aji ga ilimi 😍 yasa kullum yake qara burge ni, I particularly have that taste in men. There was this day I wrote something on my status, the comment he sent me was like a green light, kamar dai go ahead haka, maybe he wasn't aware I was referring to him, Allah masani. Kawai na dauka go ahead ne na qara zurmawa 😅 har Award naci akan Poem din da na rubuta that year kuma dama it was about him. Hmm na tuna ranar Faculty week en mu i invited him to come for the movie night, and he couldn't make it then coz it was a short noticed. Ranar nayi kuka har idona ya kumbura, all my emotions reappeared right before me that night and I was just crying har bacci ya daukeni 😭 lover girl saurayinta yaqi zuwa 😂😂 To cut it short, after like 8months together na gano cewa he's about to get married, I tried so much to get the feeling of my chest and of wanting to be with him from my head, but all work in vain. At last I had to confess to him, thinking that will make me let go off him and forgets everything more easily. I stated to him everything one night like that, I told him will not forgive myself for doing that and also can't be with a person I proposed to ko da zai ce Yes 😂 Barazana ce coz nasan ba zai ce Yes din bama. But i actually hate myself coz It makes me become\feel less of a lady. Immediately after all i wanted to say to him, I blocked all his access to me. Not more than a month after the incident he called me, and I couldn't answer because I want to forget all about him, and so I sent him a text pleading not to call me ever or else I will fall all over again. Wallahi har yau I still haven't got over it, I have his contact to check his last seen on WhatsApp, i check his tweets duk da nayi blocking dinshi. Believe me I pray day and night not to attach myself with something not written for me. AstagfiruAllah I don't know whether I'm just praying by mouth and do not really meant it by heart. And I can't say whether I love him for the sake of Allah, or it's just based on my personal interest. Whatever it is dai I know I always think good of him. But I'm really afraid of the so call love becoming an Obsession I think ya zama infatuation ma already 😣, I want the burden off my chest wallahi, I want to give people chance amma abin ya gagara. Wallahi har ga Allah ina so naga nayi moving with my life but I'm finding it difficult, I just don't keep any relationship, once a guy starts showing some interest nake nuna mishi we're just friends. Kai there are thousand things worth more worrying about than this ma, thought Marriage is equally important and I believe akwai rahama a ciki da sauqin samun Aljannah. Amma Ni nawa case din once na Fara tunanin aure toh fa zanji shi nakeso nayi spending life dina dashi harda future life dinmu nake fantasizing Mtsww Waya Sani ma ko Aljani ne 😂 iska ke wahal da me kayan Kara. Yanzu dai the Main issue is mun dawo muna waya sama sama, although bama chat. Amma false hopes da fantasies dina sun dawo, gani nake kamar akwai hope. on the 30th last month ya kirani muka gaisa yace he will come to my school one of these days, since then nake counting and just can't wait to resume coz I know zaizo din, ba qaramin qoqari nayi ba just to avoid calling him a waya sabida yanzu na koyawa kaina haquri akan abinda bani da iko akai. Ba yabon kai inada haquri dai dai gwargwado don ko a gida bana zaben abu duk Wanda aka bani shikenan, but once nayi pointing abu nace ina so then kowa ya sani I definitely and overly like the thing. My friends blame me that yanda nakewa other guys attitudes shysa bazan iya bawa kowa chance ba, that I'm the one not opening my heart to others blah blah blah, Sai kace ance Son wasa nakeyi da zasu wani ce laifi na ne. Although halina ne watsawa mutane qasa a ido can't count Wanda na basu false hope nazo nace na fasa daga baya, qila ma shi yasa Allah yake hukunta Ni akan laifuka na Astagfirullah, but I just wish they can feel the way I feel, ko qila dai nice nake Zuzutawa coz I'm too emotional, amma nikam na yarda da So Halitta ce kuma ina girmama shi sosai Yanzu. Kai Allah dai ya raba bawa da wahala, Amma son Maso wani beyi ba, ga babu qima wai fa har fadawa guy en nan nayi ina Sonshi kuma Yanzu nake qosawa yazo na ganshi abin kamar a film. In essense don't condem anyone you see loving something\someone excessively, instead pray for them wasu suna iya qoqarin su suga hakan be faru ba. Everyone have different way of perception, being it pain, sadness, love or anything else. shiyasa wasu mutane basu iya son Abu ba, kamar dai Ni. Don nawa kam ma ya zama foolishness, ga gaskiya ina gani amma na rufe Ido, qila ma na gama dagewar nawa ma yazo shi din ba alkhari bane, how funny 😂 Anyways Allah ya mana zabi mafi Alkhairi, at long last walau Mutum ya samu abinda yakeso walau be samu ba, we'll all day one day. Duk kuma shikenan fah, how scary the life is, Mutum ya gama shirme ya Mutu a saka shi a rami Chan bayan gari. Allah dai yasa mu dace, Ameen. Thank you 😊