LIFE OF AN UNMARRIED NORTHERN GIRL

Assalamualaikum, I hope each and every one of you here is doing fine. I just got teary for no reason, and I thought I should write something here. PLEASE GIVE ME FEW MINUTES OF YOUR TIME As a girl growing up, wallahi, my biggest fear has always been late marriage. (It turns out that the things I fear the most somehow find a way into becoming my reality.) I used to think dating early would make early marriage possible, but I forgot that marriage nufin ne na Allah. Despite wanting to marry early, I didn’t date many guys because I’m not the type who can handle double dating it confuses me😂. The first guy I dated was back in secondary school, but due to some reasons,family said no. Apparently, the two relationships that even got to the stage of kai tambaya didn’t work out, and that left me heartbroken. I lost faith in love, but I still want to marry because I’m scared of growing old without a life partner. My siblings always tell me not to be desperate, but I can’t help it especially when my friends and even younger siblings are getting married and having children. I know marriage is by Allah’s decree, and I know He sees me and knows what I’m going through. 😔 I’m 26, currently serving, and I keep asking myself what will become of me after service. I’ve always dreamt of being in my matrimonial home by 25, but Allah knows best. I’m not getting any younger, yet I don’t have anyone I can call my boyfriend and people say I shouldn't be desperate I can't help but to be desperate I keep attracting married men is but the problem is I feel most of them are not being truthful about their wives. I like matured men, but I’m scared of becoming a second wife not because it’s haram, but because these days, mata suna iya yin komai wa kishiya that's my only fear.... Ya Allah, grant marriage to everyone in need of it. 🤲🏽