Was i wrong for not telling him the truth about my past? I feel guilty
Relationship
Anonymous Mar 29, 03:47 AM

Was i wrong for not telling him the truth about my past? I feel guilty 0

There is this guy, we have been dating for like 1 month now. I love him so much, I love him more than myself. I mean he is pure, calm, religious, very prayerful, he's strict, overprotective and nice. I have always wanted someone that's best in the seen because I need them to put me in the right path. The kind of love that I have for him have reached to an extent that I do not want to meet him at all because I can't control my feelings. I am keeping my distance, I prayed Salatul Istikhara many times on him and I feel his the one. but guys there is a problem. everyone has a past. but why does it look like mine is hunting me down and it's making ne look as if I am not good. I have repented long before now wallahi. I swear with Allah and this pure month I ended my illicit relationship for long and I have been repenting little by little. But then, yesterday we were chatting with my fiance and then he asked this very disturbing question. He said, out of the blue, not expecting such. Are you a virgin........... I couldn't say or do anything, I stared at that question for more than an hour. Do you know what, I don't know if I should say No I am not, I am so sorry I have changed and repented please forgive me I love you. or I should say yes I am. Guess what I told him. I said YES I am. but then I do not know if he believed me or not, I asked him why he asked me such question. he said because he hold me in high esteem and he really want to get married to me so he is getting to know me. and for him it's very relevant he asked and know. Allah I felt crushed after he said all these. I cried for hours, my heart was bitter, I felt like I am deceiving my baby, if only he will trust me or really forgive me after telling him wallahi I would. At that moment in time I felt like I was a bad person and he don't deserve me, I felt that he deserve better and not me. I really love this guy and I am afraid that even if we get married I might loose him, because he will find out on our first night and that is gonna be disaster. My Worst and Ugly past is hunting me down please guys don't judge me, I have sincerely repented and I need help.
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Replies

(39)

Mss mayyam Mar 29, 04:03 AM
you should’ve told him the truth nt the whole story though, jst tell him you’re nt if he still want you like that he will accept yuh..nd get ready for the outcomes if it is meant to happen nothing will stop it..Allah zabi mafi Alkhairi
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Anonymous #7 Mar 29, 08:59 AM
you should have just told him the truth it better he finds out now than later and if he's religious as you say am sure he won't judge you in Sha Allah
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Khalifa0630 Mar 29, 09:02 AM
I think if it's really in the past you don't have to tell him cause Allah ma nason mai rufawa wani asiri bare naka. but then you can ask ulama about it
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Musa Aminu Mar 29, 09:03 AM
That's between you and your lord. Beside, it was in your past. I don't know your tribe but he shouldn't have ask you that question, and you shouldn't have answered.
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Anonymous #1 Mar 29, 09:46 AM
Islamically, one should never disclose his/her bad past to anybody. Allah has covered ur past sins why will you unveil them? You would have just told him what kind of question is that. I don't like it.
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Anonymous girlfriend Mar 29, 10:08 AM
sister there's a lot to talk about, if you don't mind please reach out to the Instagram handler, so we can connect and address things privately.
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Anonymous #1 Mar 29, 11:16 AM

Only those that are not righteous will divorce. If that person is righteous ko tambaya bare yi ba. Do you know Sheikh Kassim Al-hakim? He is a male and that is his advice to ladies.
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Anonymous #1 Mar 29, 11:19 AM

She said she had repented. Why will you ask about her past? Kaje De wasu so gaya maka in kana bicike aure but bai kama ta gaya maka ba.
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Anonymous #2 Mar 29, 11:24 AM
you don't have any obligation to tell him the truth. in fact, it would have been sinful of you to tell him the truth. Allah hates people who publicise their sins. Actually, if he is religious, he shouldn't even ask you if you're a virgin or not because it's none of his business. Whatever you have done in the past is between you and Allah so there is no need to confess to him. even if you are married, you are still discouraged from saying it. you can go seek more information from Islamic scholars regarding this issue. but you have no obligation to respond to him.
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Anonymous #2 Mar 29, 11:26 AM

This is a very harsh thing to say. Go back to the opinions of scholars. There are so many Wa'azi's regarding this issue. She has no obligation to confess. Also, make istighfar for your unkind words and apologize.
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Abdullahi lawal Mar 29, 11:37 AM

i won't cos i did nothing wrong you are wrong he asked why will she not say it if he truely loves he can go with it, what's the point of hiding it, if he is not meant for her no matter how hard she pushes and confess to he won't marry her,but he asked he wanted to know, to me i don't care about that vaginity or not as far as am ok with the relationship we move on
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Anonymous #1 Mar 29, 11:47 AM

I didn't feel anything because I got married as a virgin Alhamdullilah but this is our female sisters that made a mistake in their past and then realized their mistakes we have to support them in other to have a beautiful married life.
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Anonymous #4 Mar 29, 04:03 PM
Here is my take... "Everyone has a past", right but... We are responsible for our past. if a man/woman committed a sin, you should absolutely not tell anyone BUT... What if someone that is serious about marriage ask? See, I've seen a lot of people (especially women) get angry whenever a man ask if a lady is a virgin. To be honest, there's a reason men asks. For example, a man stayed away from zina all his life, saved his virginity till marriage, and hoping to find the same virgin woman to marry. And then there's a woman who engaged in zina... It's not the matter of "ai she has repented" or "that was her past", yeah that's great that she has changed, Alhamdulillah... But her repentance is for disobeying Allah. Therefore, a man has absolutely no obligation to marry her just because "ai she has repented" but if he knows and he don't mind, great!. If he said no, please understand that he IT IS NOT A SIN or "he is not religious". But now, if a guy is not a virgin, he engaged in zina as well, he has absolutely no right to demand to marry a virgin woman. Besides, there is a reason why in islam the dowry of a virgin is not the same as that of a nonvirgin. So why will selfish reasons allowed us to keep giving these stupidity (of people committing zina) a pass by saying "ai that was her past" or "she has repented ai"? if you don't want complications in the future then don't disobey your Lord and call it "qaddara"... We are all sinners... May Allah guide, protect, forgive, and keep us on the straight path.
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Anonymous #1 Mar 29, 04:18 PM

No. She should not have answered him. She should have avoided his question.
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Anonymous #1 Mar 29, 04:42 PM

I know u are referring to my statements. Yes I know it hurts. But, it is what Allah destined for us. We are all sinners but it is unIslamic to disclose our past sins. Ko a hadith zaka ji "Fulani bin full (wane da wane)". Don ba'a so a bayana sunan shi da zunubin da. Kuma Annabi Muhammad (SAW) ya aure mata divorcees the widows only one virgin(duk da dalili ya aure su). You are a man, if Allah didn't bless your first wife to be a virgin but Allah can bless you with the subsequence ones. Every righteous person wants good spouses that will make him/her happy, remind him/her of Allah and go to Jannah together. We didn't come to this world to enjoy but to come to this world to worship Allah. Check suratul Jinn. Any test that Allah tested us with it, we should try our best and pass the test. Indeed Allah is with the patient ones.
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Anonymous #5 Mar 29, 05:19 PM
If I were you I will just b angry for him asking me this, and I will ask him is it my virginity that he’s marrying or me? Abt ur past is btw u nd Allah. Just don’t let anyone know abt the past. Just seek for forgiveness from Allah. May Allah see you through. Allah ya yafe miki.
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Anonymous #4 Mar 29, 05:37 PM

Not really refering to your statement, just what I've been seeing a lot on social media. But you're right. And don't get me wrong, I said wadda tayi zina, not divorcee or widow.
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Anonymous #4 Mar 29, 05:43 PM

There is nothing to be angry about if the past is clean. "Don't ask, don't tell" 💯 but if ask, then don't lie. And no he's not marrying her virginity but... maybe he saved himself to marry a virgin that's why he asked. Yes, her past is netween her and Allah but the innocent man has the right to take her or leave her. And no, he won't be "not religious" or sinning if he chose to leave.
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Ayeshatuo Mar 29, 06:13 PM
sister in dai yayi Na’am da tarbiyyanki a yanzu as you guys are talking ban ga abin tuntubar baya ba. Kina da zuciya me kyau tunda abun yana damunki. Allah yana kallonki do not deceive anyone do not start a foundation based on lies. You need to establish a strong relationship with Allah. You can work on your faith by yourself a partner with the same values is a bonus but yadda kikace you love him more than yourself is a wrong mindset. Work on your relationship with Allah first, put yourself next and stay authentic then a partner follows. Ko da wani yazo miki with some ideology you know how to communicate right kice ga abinda addini yace, even when we are born as Muslims we need to find Islam for ourselves again and again growing on the deen everyday. May Allah bless your heart keep you steadfast and guide your Iman.
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Anonymous #6 Mar 29, 07:03 PM

Actually islamically if there is anything concerning about a future fiancées chastity or any doubt then there is nothing wrong in asking
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Anonymous #6 Mar 29, 07:05 PM
Lying is not a good thing the betrayal here is the lie you told him But since you have repented in sha Allah nothing would go wrong the past is in the past just pray and have tawakkul
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Anonymous #6 Mar 29, 07:10 PM

Wallahi this is soo trueee, Wallahi I think it is unfair for a woman to guard her chastity and then marry someone who has already engaged in sinful acts with another person and vice versa, what happened is between the person and Allah but it would be painful and unfair and some people might not care but some people would. Ameen thumma Ameen
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Anonymous #6 Mar 29, 07:14 PM

Exactly, ai kou a musulunci ma good men are for good women and bad men are for bad women, he has the right to know if he has any doubt about ittt
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Anonymous #8 Mar 29, 08:59 PM
You should have told him the truth, because it's up to him to accept you, for who you are and not who you whore.... you have worked so hard to change...
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Anonymous #9 Mar 29, 11:39 PM

remember, the admin has always informed people to stop entertaining such requests of personal contact. whatever the person has, he/she can say it here what is wani contact me personally?
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