I need advice on what to do? Please help me with advice and not insults thank you ?
Anonymous Oct 7, 03:51 AM

I need advice on what to do? Please help me with advice and not insults thank you ? 4

When I was 13 I went to a boarding school. My parents thought it will be good to send me to school to learn English and proper manner in school. On my first year, the director was very friendly towards me, saying he knows my dad well thats why. I have my two sisters there with me. But one is a senior and never cares while the other is out for friends and fame. On my second year, the director started being touchy towards me. At first holding my hands and telling me its okay because he considers me a daughter. I believed him and allowed him hold my hands on different occasions. But then it became worse when he started calling me to his office telling my matron that I have a call, he would hug me and feel me telling me am a good girl. And then he will reward me. I thought it all normal since I had no one to tell me right from wrong. My sisters are busy with themselves and my parents concern was my result. After the midterm test we went home. My mother's first question was how is studies. And my father's words were let me see your results. My mother always tells my sisters right from wrong but still deems me too young. After the break, the director continued as soon as my legs entered the school. I let him feeling good. I liked the feeling of his hands roaming my body and his mouth sucking my tits. It felt wrong but still feels good so I let him and instead of pushing him, I pulled him closer to me making him touch me more than before. He started moving down from my mouth, to my breast and then down south. During another break my mother thought I am old enough to know all the grown ups stuff. So she told me its not good to let a man touch you and so on. At the time I was too obsessed to care and kept praying for the break to be over. I learnt the method of seduction by myself not knowing. At the time I thought I will have to get his attention to touch me again, so I did everything not knowing I am doing something else. It became part of me, when I walk I draw boys attention, when I look I've worn them over and when I smile, all the bad boys drools. So I thought it was normal for girls to attract boys attention. So it was easy making all the staff and students fall for me. But mostly the offer I got was to touch and have sex with me. As time goes by, I learned the truth and tried to restrain myself from touching and letting myself to be touched. I got expelled when I rejected the director at the age 16. Feeling scared I didn't tell anyone fearing that I will get beaten. My dad is very strict and my mom supports him all the way. We never have a mother-daughther experience and talk. Its just school. I avoided my parents making them think I love school when in reality I hate school but its better than staying with them, at home when not at school, I became addicted to porn. My mother believed a maid more than me, sometimes I wonder if they are my real parents or not. At home. All the offers I got from guys were to have sex. I had been fingered by many men even girls, but never had sex atleast. Any man that says he loves me will end up lusting over me. At first I thought thats how men are. But at the end realised that I make them do that. Some say I make them hard by my voice others by my looks some the way I walk. I want to have a good man for once in my life but its hard. Even if he is serious at the end he will try to touch me and I will hate him and myself, the cycle continues. I thought I wont get married but then he came. A very well-known and respected man, all say good things about him and he wants to marry me. He spends on me, but then as time goes by, not even two months into the relationship he started touching me. Sucking, kissing feeling and then bj came soon enough. So on instinct I started disliking him but then my parents announced him as my husband. He is double my age, and still thinks we are perfect, his daughter is older than me. All I want to do is die and rest. But then he wants me to change my attitude and habit, I should change for him and then he will marry me. I should always obey without a word and apologise when not at fault and then he will marry me. I dont want to get married because I dont think I can let any man order me and make me do things I dont want to all in the name of love. I dont know what love is and I am not even sure I am a virgin and I definitely don't want to get married. But my parents are forcing it on me. He told me clearly that he wants to marry a virgin not a second hand. Am confused as on what to do am just 19 and I dont want to be in a relationship where I can't change even I want to. I need a way out but all doors are closed. Please if anyone have something useful to say or advise apart from insults, please help me i need your help please ?
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Replies

(6)
Arc_Abba Oct 7, 10:47 AM
Sorry about your trials, don't ever push yourself into doing something you don't like. You are still young to be heartbroken, just trust your instincts and follow your heart desire. Be strong, brave and prayerful. This is your life we are talking about, only you can decide what is best for you, everyone can be mistaken but not you. Sit your mother or anyone that can talk to her and explain things out, she will understand you. Insha'Allah things will be better for you. Wish you the best and amazing future.
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Lyemarhtou Oct 7, 04:49 PM
Well...we are peers...I can’t really say I understand how you feel...because I don’t...every one makes mistakes..everyone has his flaws...I also do attaract the wrong guys to myself...almost every guy in my life wants a piece of what he can get...even the guys I call my friends...I remember..there was this time my friends wanted playing me...for what..my body...you aren’t at fault that guys find you attractive...even girls as you said...but that is not the problem...a way out of a life changing situation is what you need...a change either for better or for worse...only you have the solution to your problem...your family aren’t that caring as you said...and they are all bitter toward you...but sometimes you just need raise your voice and force them to listen to you...make them hear your voice and stand your ground...as long as you know what you want...I strongly advise you talk to a family member...you are still young and mentally not ready...and most importantly keep praying...steady...always ...Insha Allah things will be some better...
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Arc_Abba Oct 7, 05:33 PM
Deleted
I don't know what to say, am out of words and in tears right now, words cannot describe how I feel for you and I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now. I am truly sorry you find yourself in such situation. I know I am not in position to give you another advice but What I have to tell you right now, you have to find anyone among your siblings that you have even the slightest link and talk to him or her. You cannot continue to live like this, there must be a way out for you. You have to raise above yourself, be strong and brave, confront whatever will come towards you. From your message I can feel you're a strong woman, they said communication is the key... Just communicate with anyone,don't do anything that will hurt you in the future. It's you that will suffer not them, do whatever makes you feel better. Lastly, remember with God all thing are possible. You are in my thoughts and prayers. May The Almighty bring ease to you, Things will be better soon, stay bless and strong 💪. Much care and respect.
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Mr 9ice Oct 7, 10:10 PM
Subhanallah, I really feel sorry for what you have gone through, lemme give you a brotherly advise, you should indulge in doing zikir n ask Allah for forgiveness, you are the solution to ur problem, change ur mind set, then work on it.
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an_chindo Oct 8, 12:54 PM
Subhanallah, this is heartbreaking and the way it hurting you is unimaginable. Well, sometimes we don't understand how things goes in first place but your director was the reason why your life shattered like this and you've never thought it was wrong, forgot about how many guys and girls touched you consider about what you're facing right now, and that's about getting you married to someone who said he really wanna marry a young virgin girl and he ended up touching you, how could you believe that you'll have peace of mind when you get married to him? How would you really believe that he really loves you? I think oo good man could touch you in the name of love before you became his spouse no matter how attractive you are, and you're doubting whether you're virgin or not. Please dear, you gotta talk with your mum about this, tell her about your previous life and the most important thing is to pray and seek repentance from Allah about what happened to your previous life. Moreover, keep your self decent, dress well and keep yourself away from men no matter how addicted you're to them, it might not be easy to quit such things easier but think about what will happen to you in a future, I don't know what's wrong with most of nowadays men, regardless of their age most of them only ask for sex and I believe no man will marry you if you let me touched you or had sex with you, even if you get married to him you'll life might be miserable, I think none of your chasers ever loved you :( their using you just to pleased their desires, but getting married to someone that just wanna pleased his desires won't provide you a happy life, but pray and please try and let your parents about how you feel and how your life goes, I know it's so complicated but getting married to that man or those kind of such horny guys is miserable beyond your expectations, none of them ever loved you dear. Insha Allah everything will be alright, I'll help you with a prayer too.
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hatty Oct 21, 02:16 PM
Hello sister. Your actions and behavior are typical of children that have been sexually abused. I am very sad and sorry for all that you went through. you need to know that you are not at fault for the abuse and trauma that you went through. you need to find ways to heal yourself before you can think of getting into any relationship talk more of marriage. since we don't have therapists in nigeria, you need to read books about sexual trauma abuse and healing sexual trauma. they might not solve all your issues but they will give you a direction to follow and help you break habits you developed due to your trauma/abuse. you should also join support groups on facebook online forums that cater to surviving trauma to meet people with a similar background to you. Just type "forums/groups for sexual abuse" in google. I am sorry i cannot name books off the top of my head but search for them on google and you will find some. As for your prospective marriage, You are at a point where you need to act and act startegically. Given you lack of support from your family I will not advise you to tell them about your abuse as their rejection and disbelief will only cause you more pain. For now, just break up the marriage engagement because as you explained the man does not respect you infact he is emotionally abusing you with threats and pysical abuse by crossing pysical boundaries. him spending on you is like him buying you. he feel entitled to your body, time and affection already. Men that respect the women htye are about to marry don't behave like that. From all indications, you will regret this marriage and it will be an abusive one. Don't just break the engagement, delte and block all contact with him. and stop getting into relationships with men yet. you should focus on building good relationshps with other women and you need time to heal your trauma. Men behave poorly towards you ot becasue you amek them do it or that is how all men are but because they chose to behave that way towards you. they do not treat other women e.g their fiances, girlfriends like that. You have been attracting abusive people to you coz people can sense from your vibe that you have issues with boundaries/self esteem and you are vunerable. so they know they can take advantage of you easily. you are still too young to take on the burden of marriage. I always advise women to wait until they are atleast 23 to get married. at 19 years, you are still a baby when it comes to relationships. please do consider getting help and resolving this engagement. Please! my sister, avoid all men until you are healed. Don't for get to pray for God's intervention and help. If you need further help/assiatance, message me at watchytaly@gmail.com.
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